Nardwar the Human Serviette
vs.
Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe
March/April 1999
When Mötley Crüe's publicist pitched us on the band, she was trying more to make conversation than to actually get press for the Crüe. When we said yes, she thought we were kidding. Convincing her otherwise took nearly three weeks.
Once we cleared that hurdle came the question of what to do with the band. This is probably what upsets publicists most about POPsmear: we like to actually do something. That's one of the reasons most publicists won't even take our calls. They like to coordinate phone interviews, not set up events. We are considered a pain in the ass; while the phoners are simple and easy, we have the nerve to ask for, well, a little much. Most publicists are focused on filling a three-ring binder full of dull stories about guitars, lyrics, and those always-funny tour stories, and they can usually do that without having to deal with a smart-ass magazine that they figure is just going to make fun of their band anyway. ("Why can't you just talk to them about their music?")
These guys in Mötley Crüe have endured 18 years of those interviews, and since they're on tour supporting their Greatest Hits cd, the boys are going through the motions one more time. Dull journalists asking dull questions for their dull copy.
Our first idea--actually, it was the publicist's idea--was to stick James on the tour bus for a couple days. He would be able to hang out, interview at his leisure, and even partake in the leftovers. But James, the resident Crüe fan, claimed to be "too busy." We considered sending Pete, but we weren't sure he'd come back, and there are ads to sell. We slid a note under Fuss' door, and his interpreter came out a few minutes later to say that "Sr. Fuss would not be able to attend due to a prior engagement." We were running out of options, but we knew there was someone who could do it. Someone who could do something different, something fun, something more, something...Nardwuar.It was time to unleash Nardwuar the Human Serviette. We think we can safely say that in the hundreds of interviews Nikki Sixx has done over the years, this is one he will never forget. Nardwuar made sure of that.
Starring:
Nardwuar the Human Serviette, journalist, musician, radio personality, Canadian
Mark "Kleinz" Kleiner, Vancouver's #1 Mötley Crüe fan, member of the band Jungle
Nikki Sixx, bassist for American bad boy rock band Mötley Crüe, pastry chef
Nardwuar: Who are you?
Nikki Sixx: Who am I?
Nardwuar: You are Nikki Sixx!
Nikki Sixx: Am I?
Nardwuar: You are Nikki Sixx! You have the best name in rock 'n' roll, don't you?
Nikki Sixx: I don't know, I always thought Johnny Thunders was a pretty good name.
Nardwuar: Nikki Sixx, though, is the best. It is the basis from which all metal names are built upon! Sixx, drugs and rock 'n' roll! Like, Nikki Sixx! I love the k's and the x's! It is amazing, Nikki!
Nikki Sixx: Well, thank you very much. Of course, I was born that way.
Nardwuar: You certainly were!
Nikki Sixx: Ya ha ha!
Nardwuar: Wasn't "1958" the name of your solo album? Is that when you were born, Nikki?
Nikki Sixx: Well, 1958 is the name of a side project I have with a guy named David Darling. It will be coming out this year. But, yeah, that was the year I was born, and the year that David Darling was born.
Nardwuar: Your name is so awesome, Nikki, that a friend of mine named her daughters Nikki and Brandi, after you and your ex-wife, Brandi Brandt!
Nikki Sixx: Well, hopefully, she won't--hopefully the bad name won't instill some badness in her!
Nardwuar: Now, Nikki, wasn't there a Nikki Sixx imposter a few years ago? Like, I'm saying how much I love your name--wasn't there some guy that went around and aped you?
Nikki Sixx: Uh, yeah, I actually got sued by myself.
Nardwuar: Were there any parallels to the Peter Criss impersonation at all?
Nikki Sixx: I thought it was closer to the McCartney one, but, you know, all the guy basically wanted was his royalties, which were my royalties, but it was me who was suing me. It's very confusing.
Nardwuar: Did you ever play bass on a Jon & the Nightriders LP, a surf band called Jon & the Nightriders?
Nikki Sixx: No, I've heard there's another--there's some guy who had that name (Nikki Sixx) in a band called Jon & the Nightriders. I've heard that for years because there are guys who would come up to me and go, "Hey, man, do you remember me from the Blues Bar in Poughkeepsie?" And I'd go, "Huh?"
Nardwuar: Because it was around the punk time about in 1980--were you guys friends with the Circle Jerks when you started out? Were Mötley Crüe friends with the Circle Jerks at all, Nikki?
Nikki Sixx: They used to hang out with us and stuff, yeah.
Nardwuar: Were you much into the punk scene? Like, did you see the Germs?
Nikki Sixx: Oh, God, man, that's like my roots.
Nardwuar: When was your first punk gig? Because a lot of people probably don't usually equateMötley Crüe nowadays with the punk scene, but you guys used to hang out with the Circle Jerks--that's pretty cool.
Nikki Sixx: I mean, I grew up with the Dolls, the Stooges. I grew up with the '70s punk bands like the Ramones. I loved that whole movement out of New York, CBGB's music scene and stuff, Television, that whole underbelly thing, you know, even J. Geils Bandand old Aerosmith. I loved all that stuff. It's all got a bit of a snotty attitude.
Nardwuar: Are you from Seattle?
Nikki Sixx: Yeah.
Nardwuar: When did you move out of Seattle?
Nikki Sixx: When I was about 17, no maybe 16.
Nardwuar: Because Duff from Guns N' Roses is of course from Seattle--did you ever see the Fartz or any of his earlier bands? Were you into the music scene at all back then?
Nikki Sixx: Well, me and Duff are kind of like the pimple on alternative's face.
Nardwuar: That's ready to be popped and explode!
Nikki Sixx: They like to write about Seattle, but they leave out Hendrix, they leave out Heart, they leave out me, and they leave out Duff.
Kleinz: And the Electric Prunes!
Nikki Sixx: But they talk about Pearl Jam a lot.
Nardwuar: Well, Mick Mars, I heard, Nikki Sixx, that Mick Mars, just between you and me, is from Canada, that he really is from Newfoundland! Is that true?
Nikki Sixx: No, Mick told somebody that because Mick always--Mick lies. Mick likes to tell everybody a different story. I never even know when his birthday is. People email me and say, "Tell Mick happy birthday for me." And I'll go up to Mick and go, "Dude, is today your birthday?" And he'll go, "No."
Nardwuar: This guy told me that Mick Mars--this guy, this guy, don't you love that expression, "this guy"? This guy told me that Mick Mars from Mötley Crüe--and this is Nikki Sixx from Mötley Crüe--I can't believe this is Nikki Sixx! You really are Nikki Sixx! You really are Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe, aren't you, Nikki?
Nikki Sixx: Well, I might be the fake Nikki Sixx, but it doesn't matter; I'm one of them.
Nardwuar: But this guy told me that Mick was from Newfoundland and that he was embarrassed of his Canadian roots. He always tried to hide them. And all his Canadian friends would go, "Hey, Mick, how are you doing?" And Mick would go, "No! I'm not from Canada! I'm not from Canada!"
Nikki Sixx: (laughs) Well, you know, he's not from Canada.
Nardwuar: Gene Simmons' wife, Shannon Tweed, is from Newfoundland, Canada originally!
Nikki Sixx: Well, they grow 'em big up there!
Nardwuar: What do you think about Gene Simmons? Does he wear a wig at all, Nikki Sixx, at all?
Nikki Sixx: You know, you'd have to ask his hairdresser.
Nardwuar: Because Tommy Lee apparently says that Gene wears a wig--
Nikki Sixx: Well I guess you'd have to ask Tommy Lee.
Nardwuar: Is Axl Rose bald? You've seen Duff. Is Axl bald? Is he going bald?
Nikki Sixx: That I don't know either. You are going to have to take this interview up with the hairdressers of Hollywood.
Nardwuar: Nikki Sixx, didn't Tommy say some mean things about wigs and sexuality in Spin recently about Paul Stanley? Like he said, "You see Paul Stanley going out with two blondes, but he's not really into that!"
Nikki Sixx: Mmm. You know, I don't know. I guess I'm going to have to stop reading William Burroughs and start reading very educational papers like...Spin.
Nardwuar: Well, it just seemed kind of strange--it's weird that you people seemed to have some sort of personal crusade to put down the Kiss revival, whereas Kiss had, like, your song "Hooligan's Holiday" on their pre-gig tape!
Nikki Sixx: Well, they've got good musical taste.
Nardwuar: Why were you dissing Kiss?
Nikki Sixx: I didn't dis Kiss.
Nardwuar: Well, Vince Neil dissed Kiss, and Tommy--I guess you didn't personally. What would be Vince or Tommy's impetus to diss Kiss, Nikki Sixx?
Nikki Sixx: What was that again?
Nardwuar: What would be their impetus? Why would anybody want to get mad at Gene Simmons or Paul Stanley?
Nikki Sixx: You know, I really have no idea what you're talking about.
Nardwuar: Well, I was curious though. I thought perhaps, Nikki, that you were mad at Kiss because John Corabi is in a band with Bruce Kulick called Union and I thought maybe there was some bad blood between Kiss and the--
Nikki Sixx: Actually, I was the guy that set that up!
Nardwuar: Because Union does a Mötley Crüe song. Would you ever return the favor by doing a Union cover at all?
Nikki Sixx: Yeah, you know, I think that's something we would probably do. We would open our concert with a Union song.
Nardwuar: Nikki, describe the moment that you knew originally you had to boot Vince in the first place. Like, you know, Vince Neil had to leave the band. What went through your head at that point, Nikki?
Nikki Sixx: What went through my head? God, dude, who knows? That's so long ago.
Nardwuar: Like when you did the auditions for the new Mötley Crüe, if Mark from the Bullet Boys had got the gig, do you think there would have been a need for Vince Neil to rejoin the band?
Nikki Sixx: Dude, you're asking some odd questions that I don't have answers to, you know.
Nardwuar: Well, check this out, Nikki Sixx: believe it or not, there is a Mötley Crüe tribute band out of Passaic, New Jersey that only does stuff from the 1994 John Corabi period called Mötley Corabi!
Nikki Sixx: Cool!
Nardwuar: Mötley Corabi! In fact, Mötley Corabi--this is their big thing on their resume: they recently played warmup on the Shark Island/Sleez Beez co-headliner tour!
Nikki Sixx: (laughs) Sounds like a big gig. Were they playing a phone booth?
Nardwuar: I'm not sure where it exactly went! Now, there is a rumor, Nikki Sixx, that we're all excited about, that Bob Rock brought in Paul Dean of Loverboy to overdub guitars on "Enslaved."
Nikki Sixx: (laughs) Well, I've got to say that even though that probably would have been a great moment in musical history, that it did not happen.
Nardwuar: John Corabi is now suing you guys. Has any of that been resolved, because, you know, you got him set up in that Union thing. How is that all coming together?
Nikki Sixx: Um, well, you know, it's not going good, you know. Unfortunately, when, you know, people don't have any money and then they get into a situation where there is money, and then their money is spent and their time at that job is gone, they go, "Well, I don't want to be broke again." But it's not really my job to financially support people so all they can do is sue the company they worked for.
Nardwuar: Did John Corabi, Nikki Sixx, get a Mötley Crüe tattoo at all?
Nikki Sixx: Did he get a Mötley Crüe tattoo? I don't think so.
Nardwuar: So did Vince Neil have any of his Mötley Crüe tattoos removed when he left the band?
Nikki Sixx: I don't think so, either.
Nardwuar: So they were stuck with him! That's good! Now, Bruce Kulick. You love Bruce Kulick, don't you, Mark?
Kleinz: I love Bruce, yes.
Nardwuar: He's kind of had a hard time, hasn't he?
Nikki Sixx: Bruce is a great guy, a great player, actually.
Nardwuar: But it seems that he's had a hard time, Nikki. He was kicked out of Kiss after like 12 years. He's now sharing a house with the Dream Theater guys. He lives with a stray dog called Joe. It seems like metal's been tragic to Bruce Kulick, hasn't it?
Nikki Sixx: Bruce is just fine. He's very resilient.
Nardwuar: What do you think about the metal tragedies that have happened? Like, the poor thing that happened between Vince and Razzle of Hanoi Rocks. The drummer for Warrant now packing video boxes, you guys tour with Ratt and after you tour with Ratt, Robin Crosby of Ratt ends up on the streets. You guys do some more touring, you produce Poison. Are you responsible for Poison, Nikki?
Nikki Sixx: Who produced Poison?
Nardwuar: You guys! Because you guys set the stage and then you upped the glam ante with Theatre of Pain. You guys had Theatre of Pain! You upped the glam ante. You spawned Poison. Are you responsible for Poison, Nikki Sixx?
Nikki Sixx: God, wouldn't that be a horrible thought?
Nardwuar: That's what I was curious about.
Nikki Sixx: (silence)
Nardwuar: And, Nikki, I was also wondering, were you declared dead on the operating table of a Persian smack overdose?
Nikki Sixx: Yeah, it was Persian smack. Yes, it was.
Nardwuar: And did you have any near death experiences?
Nikki Sixx: Um, you will have to watch the VH-1 Behind the Music special to find out.
Nardwuar: It seems that Mötley Crüe have taken a lot punches. You've taken a lot of punches. Well, you've given out a lot of punches too, Nikki, but Mötley Crüe have taken a lot of punches. In Musician magazine in 1992, do you remember that cover shot? There was a cover picture of Vince lighting a cigar with a 1000 dollar bill that said, "What kind of idiot would sign Mötley Crüe for 25 million dollars?"
Nikki Sixx: His name was Bob Kraznow.
Nardwuar: That's the idiot who signed you guys?
Nikki Sixx: Yeah.
Nardwuar: But you proved them wrong! And in the little subtitle on the corner of the same mag there was a tiny headline that read, "Nirvana breaks through." What happened there? What did you feel like when you saw that magazine cover?
Nikki Sixx: Uh, what--if I even remember seeing it. I don't know, dude. You know, the thing is, a lot of people put a lot of importance on stuff that I don't. I kind of put importance on things that don't really have to do with the band.
Nardwuar: Nikki, Mark actually knew a guy who had all of Vince's tattoos exactly!
Nikki Sixx: Really?
Kleinz: He lived in a shack behind my old house.
Nikki Sixx: He lived in a shack!
Kleinz: He did.
Nikki Sixx: Ah, that's pretty funny stuff!
Nardwuar: It's wild also that Pamela Anderson played Vince Neil's sister in his video two years before she met Tommy Lee!
Nikki Sixx: Well, there you go.
Nardwuar: Like, she's friends with Vince Neil, and then she marries Tommy. Tommy should have been mad. Like, you know, "Pamela, you're a traitor, you hung out with Vince Neil!" It's weird.
Nikki Sixx: It's such an incestual little world, isn't it?
Nardwuar: Have you guys done any guest spots in movies? Like Bret Michaels of Poison has a partnership with Charlie Sheen.
Nikki Sixx: Right.
Nardwuar: Have you ever done anything with Charlie Sheen at all, NIkki Sixx?
Nikki Sixx: No, I haven't.
Nardwuar: You never went to Heidi Fleiss' house with Charlie Sheen?
Nikki Sixx: Who?
Nardwuar: Heidi Fleiss. You never went to her house with Charlie Sheen?
Nikki Sixx: No.
Nardwuar: Were you ever a bad boy with Heidi Fleiss? Come on, Nikki!
Nikki Sixx: No, I'm an angel.
Nardwuar: Like, you never used any wine bottles for wild sex?
Nikki Sixx: Not me, dude.
Nardwuar: This friend of mine, the Metal Queen, once used her big and beautiful babe friend as "bait" to get backstage at a Crüe gig. Like she offered her friend to the guys in return for backstage access, and she said your road crew was "easy."
Nikki Sixx: The road crew was easy?
Nardwuar: Indeed!
Nikki Sixx: Well, those guys are bad boys, you know. But not us. We're good.
Nardwuar: What does it take to get backstage now at a Mötley Crüe gig, Nikki Sixx? Like, fishnets, white fake fur, a big black cowboy hat? What does it take to get backstage at a Mötley Crüe gig?
Nikki Sixx: Only Bob Kraznow's back there with his 25 million dollars. We sit backstage and count our money.
Nardwuar: Have you ever thought, Nikki Sixx, that it's time to just take the bull by the horns? Like stop being seriously devoted to your marriage and start partying again with girls in cowboy hats? Ever thought, "Let's screw it and go for it?"
Nikki Sixx: Uh, no, absolutely not.
Nardwuar: Like the other night in Toronto, a friend of mine was really upset because you cancelled a private party for Rockline! You cancelled it--she was all stoked to meet you--and you cancelled it to do Rockline! You guys did Rockline instead of partying? What about the olden days? That's kind of bullshit. Canceling a party for Rockline?
Nikki Sixx: Yeah, I mean, can you imagine? We should have hung out with strippers and bimbos and done some cocaine instead of, like, promoting our record.
Nardwuar: Nikki, have you ever "honked the horn" at all? Because in the Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson sex video, the best part is when Tommy honks the horn with his cock! I love that! That's the best part, isn't it?
Nikki Sixx: Uh, I don't--what do you mean?
Nardwuar: You know, when Tommy honks the horn of the speedboat with his cock, Nikki Sixx.
Nikki Sixx: What? He did what?
Nardwuar: Like he takes his cock--during the Pamela Anderson vid--and he honks the horn of the speedboat. Like, he uses his cock like a finger and honks the speedboat's horn!
Nikki Sixx: I haven't seen it, bro, so I don't know what you're talking about.
Nardwuar: Well, you do get dirty though. Didn't Mötley Crüe get pretty dirty, Nikki Sixx? You guys had that contest a few years ago to see who could have the most groupies without bathing? And you went, like, six months! Is that true?
Nikki Sixx: Sure.
Nardwuar: Sure? That doesn't sound too definite, Nikki Sixx.
Nikki Sixx: Well, anything you say.
Nardwuar: No, we read about that in a magazine, right Mark?
Nikki Sixx: Well, see, that makes it true.
Nardwuar: I was just curious about verification on that. Ok, how about this, Nikki Sixx? There were those dirty promotional urinal mats that said, "We're back!" Like, you're taking a piss and you look down in the urinal and there are promotional urinal mats saying, "We're back!" to signify the return of Vince Neil. Do you remember having those authorized at all?
Nikki Sixx: Yes, I do. Those are beautiful.
Nardwuar: So there you go! There is some dirtiness to Mötley Crüe!
Nikki Sixx: There you go. I guess we'll have to end it on that. Hey, listen, thanks a lot.
Nardwuar: Oh, Nikki, just a few other quick questions here.
Nikki Sixx: I've got to go, bro.
Nardwuar: Please? Just a few other quick questions. A few other quick--
Nikki Sixx: Dude, I've got another interview waiting right now, all righty?
Nardwuar: Just a few other quick questions. Nikki?
Nikki Sixx: Dude, I've got to go.
Nardwuar: Please Nikki, can we just ask you a few other quick questions here?
Nikki Sixx: Hey, dude, there's another interview waiting. I've got to go.
Nardwuar: Please, can we at least go "doot doola doot doo" to you ? Nikki Sixx?
Nikki Sixx: (click)
Nardwuar: Nikki Sixx?
(dialtone)
(source: www.popsmear.com)
